


More Than They Know

by wallmakerrelict



Category: Shade's Children - Garth Nix
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-28
Updated: 2010-07-28
Packaged: 2017-11-07 02:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallmakerrelict/pseuds/wallmakerrelict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lots of kids in the Dorms develop Change Talents, but only a few are brave enough to make use of them. Ninde has always felt superior to the other children in the Dorm. When her Talent emerges, she swears that she will be one of the ones who makes it out, and she'll find a way to drag her cowardly friend Sola along with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic a couple of years ago, and I'm posting it here in the interest of keeping all my fic in the same place. I've always meant to add more to it and explore how Ninde joined Ella's team, which is why I included a section of dialogue between Ella and Drum at the beginning of each chapter, but for now I consider this fic semi-finished.
> 
> Originally posted from 4/2010 - 7/2010

_Don’t get me wrong; we do great together. But I wish we would get someone new assigned to our team. Things would be easier with three._

**Not likely. There hasn’t been a new recruit in months.**

_I know. Why is that? I suppose the security around the Dorms is getting tighter._

**It’s more than that. Kids are losing hope. The older ones are gone now. All that’s left are the ones who were raised in the Dorms, who don’t know anything else. They don’t have the will to escape.**

_Are you saying it’s hopeless?_

**Maybe.**

_No, you’ll see. There’s some kid in the Dorms planning an escape right now. I’m sure of it._

\-----

“There’s more to me than they know.” 

Of this Ninde was sure. The Watchwards and Myrmidons who patrolled the halls of the Dormitory didn’t give her a second glance. She blended right in with all the other downcast, hopeless faces streaming past. Her eyes easily relaxed into the shell-shocked stare of a child raised without love or human contact, who knew that death and pain were always nearby. 

But she was not that child. 

Behind her vacant eyes, her mind was constantly at work. Counting maniples, taking note of new machinery, going over the math lesson, remembering the way to the main gate, keeping an eye out for pieces of garbage that might be useful, and imagining, imagining. 

She imagined standing up on the lunch tables and inciting the other children to rebellion with a rousing speech. If they all rose up at once, they would be sure to overwhelm the guards, who wouldn’t be expecting such an attack. But the other kids were too docile for that. They cringed like kicked puppies at the mere thought of defying the Creatures and the Overlords they served. 

She also imagined an outside force storming the Dorms and rescuing them. She could be useful if that happened. She had long ago learned where the weapons lockers were, and in the confusion she could steal a web gun and… 

“Ninde!” hissed a voice next to her ear. Ninde missed a step and almost stumbled as she was surprised out of her daydream. The voice had come from her friend Sola, who was tugging on the sleeve of Ninde’s uniform urgently. Their group was turning through the doorway to a classroom, and Ninde had almost wandered off in the wrong direction. 

“Sorry,” Ninde said. The Myrmidon at the door had looked like it was about to step forward and manhandle her into place, but it relaxed as she fell back into the line on her own. 

“Pay attention!” begged Sola, a terrified grimace permanently stamped on her face, “You know what happens if…”

Ninde cut her off. “I said I was sorry,” she said as they lined up in front of their work stations. 

The classroom was a rectangle of bricks and concrete painted stark white, like most places in the Dorm. One wall was emblazoned with the Silver Sun emblem. The opposite wall was sectioned off into booths, each with its own instrument panel and screen. At the sound of a whistle, each girl stepped forward into her booth and the screens all flickered to life. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Ninde saw Sola flinch as a probe emerged from the control panel and unfolded itself into a collar. As Sola’s collar wrapped itself around her neck with a click, Ninde felt the cold metal of her own fastening behind her nape. Ninde didn’t flinch. The collars only shocked you if you got things wrong, and Ninde hardly ever made mistakes. 

The screens began showing word puzzles one by one, demanding an answer within a set amount of time. There was a flurry of clicks as the girls frantically began inputting answers. Ninde completed each problem so quickly that she was almost bored. Seeing that the only guard was the Myrmidon by the door on the far side of the room, she leaned over and began whispering to Sola. 

“So we’re twelve now, right?” she began. 

“Ninde!” Sola groaned, “I’m trying to concentrate.” 

“You don’t have to say anything. Just listen,” she went on, “We just turned twelve. That gives us less than two years to plan our escape.”

“Are you still going on about that?” whispered Sola, “Ninde, we’ve been over this. Even if we found a way to get rid of our tracers and get past the guards, we don’t have any idea what’s out there. Why do you want to start trouble when we still have two years of free food and safe beds here in the Dorms?”

“More like one and a half for you, since you’re older than me,” Ninde mused. She continued typing answers effortlessly as she spoke.

Sola was fumbling with her keyboard, trying to focus on the lesson and on Ninde at the same time. “That’s still a lot of time,” she mumbled. 

“You’ll be saying that right up until they wing you away on your Sad Birthday if you’re not careful,” said Ninde, “I’m not saying we have to go tonight. Just think about it. Keep an ear out for news. Keep an eye out for something sharp.”

“You know they sweep the halls like five times a day,” said Sola, her voice getting more desperate as her screen began flashing warning lights, “You’ll never find anything sharp enough to cut out a tracer. Not that you’d have the guts to do it anyway. Now hush, I need to get this right…” 

Ninde had to concede that point. She hated pain. There was no way she’d be able to slice open her own wrist. “Okay, okay,” she said, “But what about if there’s a way to turn off the tracers without removing them?”

Sola alternated typing and speaking. “Even if… there is, how are you ever… gonna find… dammit! How are you gonna find out how to…” But just then Sola’s screen beeped angrily and Sola gave a yelp as her collar zapped her throat. She clawed reflexively at the tight band of metal and trembled until the pain subsided.   
“Ouch,” said Ninde sympathetically, “So like I was saying…”

“Shut up!” Sola said through gritted teeth, “Just shut up. It’s not going to happen! You’re just talking nonsense and getting me in trouble so shut! Up!” With that, she hunched over her screen and worked, ignoring Ninde intently. 

Ninde sighed. Maybe this hadn’t been the best place to talk about it. But they had to start making plans sooner or later. The Sad Birthday hung over all their heads like a blade ready to fall, and Sola was getting complacent. It was easy to ignore the danger, to pretend that things could go on as they were forever. Everyone did it. It was why the other kids were such sheep, wishing and hoping that if they were obedient enough maybe everything would turn out okay.

But sooner or later, they would all have to face the unknown outside the walls of the Dorms. And Ninde knew that she would rather it be the streets than the Meat Factory.


	2. Chapter 2

**I thought you wanted a third team member.**

_Yes, I wanted a team member. Not a kid to look after._

**Were you hoping for another you? People don't get experienced overnight. Give him a chance.**

_He doesn't have time to get experienced. If he keeps running headlong into danger the way he's been doing, he won't last another week._

**Running headlong into danger… That sounds familiar.**

_Are you talking about me? I take calculated risks. This kid is just reckless. I need someone I can count on, someone I can trust to do his job._

**Oh, I see. You don't want another you. You want another me.**

_Ha! I should be so lucky. But I swear, whoever named that kid sure had him figured out. "Brat." Couldn't have said it better myself._

\-----

Another day dawned over the Silver Sun Dorms, but no sun reached the windowless barracks. Instead a distant Screamer provided an alarm. Ninde was instantly awake and standing at attention at the foot of her bed, along with every other girl in her row. Sleepy or not, if you weren't on your feet when the Myrmidons came through for inspection there would be hell to pay.

The Myrmidons led the girls to the washrooms. To one side was a giant communal shower, but in the morning they were only given enough time to relieve themselves and splash some water on their faces before they were forced to run laps around the courtyard. Ninde, still bleary-eyed, squatted over the long porcelain trench and tried not to bump elbows with the girl next to her. When she bent to pull up her panties, she froze and stared at them, nonplussed.

Menstruation was no secret amongst the girls of the Dorms. In fact, it was one of the most hotly-discussed topics. Plenty of Ninde's classmates had gotten theirs already, even Sola. But it still took her a moment to register what the chocolate-colored smear on her underwear was. She had expected it to be red.

The Myrmidons didn't speak, but the kids were pretty sure they could understand English, so Ninde held out her stained underwear to one of them and said, "What are you gonna do about that?" After staring down at her briefly, it turned and left the room. When it returned it was carrying a fresh pair of underwear and a rag that may have once been white. Ninde stared at the rag dubiously.

"They used to have pads and tampons," said Sola, who had snuck up behind Ninde and noticed her unhappy expression, "Before our time. But I guess they figured that we wouldn't be bleeding for long before our Sad Birthdays, so they got lazy about it."

Ninde held up the stained rag. "That," she said in no uncertain terms, "Is disgusting."

"Get used to it," said Sola, digging a knuckle into Ninde's ribs until she coaxed a smile to her friend's face, "And welcome to the club. Now you get to bleed every month just like the big girls."

"Oh, hooray," said Ninde unenthusiastically.

They changed out of their cotton nightrobes and into their workout clothes. Sola showed Ninde how to place her rag so it wouldn't fall out of her shorts while she was running. The novelty of her first period was quickly wearing off and being replaced by frustration. "This is really uncomfortable," Ninde complained.

Sola patted her on the back as the group began moving for the door. "I've had mine for a year now," she said, "Did you think I was making it up when I was complaining to you all that time?"

Ninde sighed. Sola was a good friend, but getting sympathy out of her was like trying to wring water from a rock. "My stomach hurts," she added as they stepped outside, blinking and shielding their eyes from the bright grayness of the sky.

Sola rolled her eyes. "So tell one of the Myrmidons," she suggested sarcastically, "I'm sure they'll let you sit down and have some tea."

They lined up two-by-two on the short gravel running track. The sky was a solid sheet of clouds. Everyone was doubled over, rubbing exposed flesh to fight the chilly morning air, their eyes downcast. Ninde raised her head to look out past the chain link fence topped with razor wire, past the perimeter where the Myrmidons patrolled, and caught a glimpse of a road lined with a few squat buildings. Freedom. It didn't look like much from this distance, but Ninde knew it would be worth it. It had to be.

A whistle sounded, and the whole line of girls broke into a clumsy trot. Every once in a while a Myrmidon would reach out and cuff any girl who happened to be running slower than the others, but for the most part all they had to worry about was keeping their legs moving and rubbing their hands together.

The shuffling of feet on gravel and the chorus of breathing around her was familiar to Ninde, but today there was a strange undercurrent to the usual noise. It was a whispering hiss just as much as it was a sense of general unease, as if there was something she had forgotten that the barest hint would remind her of.

"Do you hear that?" Ninde asked Sola between gasps of freezing air.

"Hear what?" said Sola, flicking her eyes back and forth looking for the source of a sound.

"A buzzing sound," said Ninde, "Like voices from really far away."

"It's just your ears ringing," said Sola confidently, "Probably means you've got a headache coming on. Looks like you're going to get all the fun side effects. Just let me know if you think you're going to start having mood swings, because I'll want to stay out of your way."

Ninde sighed and took another gulp of stinging air. Sola was probably right. The other girls had blamed their periods for everything from fevers to bruises to minor mental breakdowns. Not to mention that some girls had had even worse reactions. One girl, shortly after getting her period for the first time, had woken up one morning laughing. Nothing anyone did could get her to stop, and she wouldn't move, eat, or speak. After a few hours the Myrmidons had dragged her away, still shrieking with laughter. No one ever saw her again.

Another girl had started vomiting. When her friends tried to find out what was wrong with her, she had frantically asked them why they couldn't see what she was seeing. She went to bed as pale as a ghost, and in the morning they found her drowned in her own sick.

And another had simply disappeared while no one was watching. There was no break in the perimeter, and no trace of her was found. She was just gone.

So Ninde tried to ignore the whispers in her ears and the strange feeling that there was a thought she was having that wasn't quite reaching her brain. And she reminded herself that it could have been much worse.


	3. Chapter 3

_That was a close one._

**If it wasn't for Brat, we'd probably have all gotten killed.**

_Oh, don't give him credit for that stunt. He just got lucky; it could just as easily have made things worse._

**Luck is part of staying alive.**

_So is common sense._

**Admit it. He's growing on you.**

_Nothing lasts. I don't want to get attached. Not to anything._

**Not even to Shade?**

_No._

**Not even to me?**

_That's different._

\-----

A feeling of mental vertigo, as if she were perpetually teetering on a ledge, ready to fall into an endless abyss of thoughts, ideas, and memories. Voices. Emotions that were not her own spontaneously taking hold. So many voices. Losing her own thoughts in the din of possibilities just out of her grasp, so intent on remembering what she had never known that she forgot what she had been thinking. And the never-ending voices.

Ninde had endured it for two months, and she was beginning to think that she was going insane. She had a constant, splitting headache, and she couldn't seem to concentrate for more than a few minutes without becoming distracted. Lessons had become like torture. She had to constantly remind herself to stay on task, or her mind would wander into the void until she was brought back to Earth by an electric shock.

Meals were her only respite, where she could focus on trying to block out the noise without fearing punishment for her inattention. She ignored her food. She had no appetite anyway.

"Here," said Sola, handing Ninde her vitamin pill, "If you're not going to eat anything, at least swallow this." Ninde stared at the capsule, wondering if the effort of taking it would be worth getting Sola to stop talking. Even the voice of her best friend had become too much of a distraction to bear.

"Okay," she muttered, downing the pill with a mouthful of gray water. The water hit her stomach like bricks, and her migraine quickly turned to nausea. She curled back up into what had become her usual position: back hunched, her hands holding her throbbing head.

"I know you won't tell me what's wrong," said Sola, her face showing more worry than ever, "Because I've been asking you for weeks. But whatever it is, you can't stop eating. You must have lost five kilos in the last month and a half, and I didn't think you had that much to lose. If you don't get your weight back up by the next weigh-in, they're going to start force-feeding you."

The thought was enough to make Ninde pick up her spoon and eat a few mouthfuls of the slop in her tray. Surprisingly, she began to feel a little better. She hadn't noticed how famished she was. She managed to pick her eyes up and look around the room in time to see another class of girls entering the cafeteria, lining up to get their lunch.

But the sight of them, it seemed, brought on a fresh wave of that awful sensation, which immediately translated into a worsening of her migraine. She dropped her spoon and put her head back in her hands with a little moan.

"Are you okay?" Sola asked, but her voice seemed far away. Ninde felt like she wasn't even attached to her own body anymore; the call of the nagging voices had drawn her out of her own head. She floated, suspended, her weakened body barely holding her. The noise was deafening.

She was aware of Sola talking to her and tapping her shoulder, but she couldn't hear her at all over the other, insubstantial voices. _This must be what going crazy feels like_ , she decided, _Or dying. Maybe I'm dying._ But if she was dying, it sure was taking a long time.

Starbursts flashed behind Ninde's eyelids as she pressed her hands against her face. "Be quiet. Be quiet," she begged, but even her own voice was lost in the confusion. She cracked her eyes open, but all she could see were people. People all around her, and Sola's hand waving in front of her face.

But there was an empty spot in the room by the door, where a single Myrmidon sentry stood. Still feeling dreamily separated from her body, she found her mind following her eyes to the doorway. And there, miraculously, it was quieter. There was only one voice there, and it was clearer and steadier than any of the others she could hear. While other voices were loud and flitted from place to place, this one was simple and sure. It was less like a conversation than a recording.

She focused on that one voice, that simple thought, and suddenly all the other voices fell away easily. She almost gasped at the relief she felt. Her head felt clearer in an instant, and the pain began to subside. For once, it was quiet. As long as she focused only on that one voice.

But she still couldn't hear it properly. It was indistinct and muddled, like a radio tuned just a little off the station. She had to concentrate. She had to find out what it was saying. She knew somehow that it was the key to the riddle that was slowly killing her.

Involuntarily, in an action so natural that she barely realized what she was doing, she brought her knuckle to her mouth.

** …ow no one to leave. Maintain order. Remain stationed at the door. Await further instructions. Allow no one to leave. Maintain order. Remain stationed at the door. Hail Silver Sun! Await… **

Ninde's knuckle dropped from her mouth in shock, and the voice suddenly ceased.

"Holy shit," she said quietly.

"Oh my God!" said Sola, "Are you back? Can you hear me?"

Ninde turned to look at her friend and was surprised to see tears streaming down her face. "I think I'm okay," she said, still disoriented.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Sola managed to shriek and whisper at the same time, "I thought you'd had some kind of psychotic break. Or that you'd actually managed to starve yourself to death and you were going into shock or something. You were just staring like someone had popped your brain out of your skull. I swear, Ninde, if this was a joke I'm never going to speak to you again…"

"HA!" said Ninde, a little too loud. Sola abruptly stopped talking and watched Ninde as if she had confirmed that her friend had lost her mind. But Ninde had had a revelation. "The voices," she said, fascinated, "Are other people's thoughts. I'm hearing people's thoughts!" The idea sounded insane, but Ninde knew it to be true. And as soon as she understood the source of the voices, it suddenly became easy to block them out. She put everyone else's thoughts back in their own heads, and it was blessedly quiet once more. Ninde was alone in her mind, and, undistracted for once, that mind was working faster than it ever had before.

"You're hearing voices?" said Sola, "I knew it; you're losing it. Listen, you've got to keep it together. If they hear you talking like this they'll think your brain is defective. You won't even go to the Meat Factory. They'll just use you for dissection practice."

Ninde grabbed her friend by the shoulders and gave her a huge, slightly deranged smile. "I'm not crazy," she insisted, "Believe me. I feel great. And I can totally read minds."

But before she could convince Sola, a whistle sounded and it was time to go to their next lesson. After months of feeling like her brain was working against her, Ninde was deliriously happy to have her sharp mind back. She breezed through the lesson so easily that Sola looked over at her with hope in her eyes, as if there was a chance that everything were back to normal.

The next time they got a chance to talk was in bed, after lights-out. The beds were so close together that if Ninde rolled to the left and Sola to the right, they were almost nose-to-nose.

"Do you feel better now?" Sola asked warily.

"I feel fine," said Ninde.

"So no more voices?"

"Well," said Ninde, "They weren't really voices in the first place. They were thoughts that I was listening in on."

"Right," said Sola, her doubt written all over her face, "Ninde, do you realize how you sound? People don't just learn to read minds. That doesn't happen."

"I know," said Ninde, "I don't know how it happened. But I know what I heard. I could read the guard's thoughts. I heard him thinking about his orders."

"And what were his orders?" Sola asked, humoring her.

"Uh, to make sure no one left the dining hall or made any trouble," said Ninde, "Also to wait for more orders."

Sola sighed. "Well, that's obvious," she said.

"You think I'm making it up?" Ninde pouted.

"No, I…" Sola cut herself off, but Ninde could guess what she was about to say.

"You think I'm insane," she said, "That my mind's playing tricks on me. But I'll show you. Think of something. Anything. I'll tell you what it is."

Sola actually looked interested for a moment when she said, "Fine. I'm thinking of something… now."

Ninde brought her knuckle to her mouth and concentrated. Just as she had locked away the voices before, now she called Sola's out. It was as if the rows of heads in the room were an array of boxes, and all she had to do was choose the right one and open it.

** …zyonlyfriendinverseoperationknucklelikewhenshewasakid whatif?noimpossiblesawthegreenoverthefenceliketheothersreadfasterorelse nobirdsinreallifestaringlikesheknowsalwayssosurecomebacktoalwaysescape she’llgoonedaytiredscaredtooscaredshe’llgoyou’llbeALONEbutit’sbetter gonnadieeveryoneonedayBETTERDEADONTHESLABTHANBLEEDINGINTHEDIRTLIKEALLTHEOTHERS YOUSAWALLTHEOTHERSSCREAMINGWHILETHEYBLEDOUT… **

"AGH!" Ninde shouted, making every girl in the room flinch. The headache was back for an excruciating moment, and she suddenly understood why the last two months had been such torture. If the Myrmidon's mind had been a straight hallway, a human mind was a labyrinth. It was hard enough navigating one's own mind; add another to the mix and it was chaos. It felt like falling down a flight of stairs if the risers shouted at you and the walls were covered in abstract art.

"What's the matter?" said Sola.

"I don't think I can read human minds," said Ninde weakly, "It was really confusing."

"Take a guess," Sola demanded.

"It sounded like you were worried that I'd try to escape and get myself killed."

"I worry about that every second of every day," Sola sighed. She looked unconvinced.

"I saw something," said Ninde, carefully, "Ashie and her friends on the day they made a run for it, four years ago. When the Myrmidons caught them…"

The pale greenish color that Sola's face had turned was enough to shut Ninde up. "That was low," Sola hissed, "That was low, bringing that up. Using what happened to her to try to get me to believe you…"

"That's not…" Ninde protested.

"I don't want to hear it," said Sola, turning over, "You can't read minds. Just try to act like a normal person."

But Ninde knew that she wasn't normal. She drifted off to sleep, reminding herself that she knew what she knew, even if no one else believed her.


	4. Chapter 4

**It was my responsibility. You told me to watch him.**

_It was no one's responsibility. His luck just ran out. Now he's dead. Nothing we can do about it._

**Not dead. Worse.**

_We can't do anything about that either._

**I should have paid better attention. I'm sorry.**

_You can't blame yourself._

**Then that goes for you too.**

_I don't blame myself. I… I saw this coming… from the start… [weeping]_

**[unaudible]**

_…ah… uh, goddammit. He was just a kid._

**We're all just kids.**

\-----

Months of practice had paid off. Ninde had set humans aside and focused on the Myrmidons, and soon she was able to read them like open books. She would simply raise her finger to her lips, concentrate for a moment, and whatever was in the Creatures' minds was suddenly crystal clear.

Not that their thoughts were particularly interesting. Most never contemplated anything except their immediate orders, which were obvious and unhelpful. **"Watch the raw materials."** **"Keep them from leaving."** **"Make them run."** **"Make them work."** **"Make them eat."** **"Make them sleep."** The Myrmidon Masters sometimes thought about other things, like things that were happening in other parts of the Dorm. Once Ninde had gleaned that one of the boys, who were kept almost completely separate from the girls, had managed to dig his tracer out with a rusty can lid. He had been detained as he tried to cross the perimeter, and later died of tetanus. Then she caught a Master thinking about an upcoming visit from Silver Sun. She told Sola about it, certain that it would be proof of her powers.

Sola only frowned and said, "Everyone knows that. Next week is Delta's Sad Birthday."

Sure enough, a few days later they were all turned out on the parade grounds to watch Silver Sun wing in to collect the newly fourteen-year-old girl. As the huge Winger touched down, Ninde stuck her knuckle discreetly between her teeth, only to find out that Wingers had even less on their minds than Mymidons. For an instant, she considered turning her powers on Silver Sun itself. But then she thought better of it. It was unlikely that the Overlord happened to be thinking about something that would help Ninde plan an escape from the Dorms, and whatever it was that it was thinking, Ninde wasn't sure she wanted to know.

The Myrmidons beckoned a girl out of the line, and when she didn't immediately step forward they grabbed her by her wrists and dragged her to kneel at Silver Sun's feet. Though Ninde had forgotten her birthday before, she recognized her now: Delta, who was only one year older than Sola. Her narrow shoulders trembled under the weight of so many stares.

"Now," said Silver Sun, its voice as smooth as silk and hard as steel, "What are we going to do with you?"

By their Sad Birthdays, most of the children were so well-trained by a life in the Dorms that they didn't fight on their way to the Meat Factory. They had been rewarded for good behavior and punished for bad every day of their lives, and the discipline had been so mechanical and flawless that they couldn't even conceive of disobeying an order. Not even when they knew they were going to their deaths.

Which was why a shocked cry came up from the assembled children when Delta suddenly sprang to her feet and ran. Her long legs bore her more swiftly than Ninde had thought possible, and her hair and white dress billowed out behind her as if she were flying. She was halfway across the yard before the Myrmidons even realized what was happening. For one irrational instant, Ninde's heart was lifted by the sight of the girl running free, easily outstripping the monsters who chased her.

But in the end, swift legs were not enough. Delta had nowhere to go; the gates were all closed and the fences were impenetrable. Delta hit the chain link fence and began to climb, but before she could even begin to worry about how to get over the razor wire on top the Myrmidons caught up with her. Ninde and the others could only watch silently as they pulled her from the fence and dragged her by her hair to the waiting Winger. Delta's strong legs, useless now, kicked and slid over the dead grass, trying to slow her progress. The only sound in the entire courtyard was the clanking of the Myrmidons' armor and Delta's horrific screams. The children stood stock-still, like rows of terrified dolls, as the Winger took flight and the wailing of its cargo faded into the fog.

"Dismissed," said Silver Sun, its voice and demeanor completely unreadable. Coldly, mechanically, the children obeyed. Individual ranks filed silently through the double doors. As their line began moving, Ninde reached back and took Sola's hand in her own. They each held on as if their lives depended on it.

Once inside, the ranks separated. Ninde's line was led toward their classroom. Even after witnessing the horror that was to be their own final fates one day, they were still expected to follow routine.

As they lined up in front of their monitors, a Myrmidon Master walked up and down the row, inspecting them. Ninde turned her head ever so slightly to get a look at it. Had it been one of the Masters that had caught Delta and dragged her, screaming, to her doom? It was impossible to tell. But it had certainly been on the parade ground. It had seen everything that Ninde saw. Ninde, of all people, knew that Myrmidon Masters were capable of some higher thoughts than just orders and dogma. They had basic memories; they possessed some reasoning ability. Did they have emotions? If anything could make these monsters feel, then the awful sight they had all just witnessed must have done. Hoping against hope for a shred of sympathy, of regret, of humanity, Ninde raised her knuckle to her mouth and listened.

Nothing. There was no warmth in the Myrmidon's mind, just the usual mechanical recitation of orders. Ninde was about to give it up and refocus on her lesson when she became aware of something deeper, something underneath… She pushed past the cold repetition until the sound of, **"Watch the raw materials. Make them complete the lesson. Don't let them speak. Don't let…"** faded into the background and something new came into focus. A memory, recent enough that it hadn't yet been discarded in favor of more of the Overlords' dogma. Ninde saw Delta's face, but not twisted in fear and despair as it had been in the yard. She looked resigned and a bit vacant as she walked down the narrow halls of the Dorm. The halls all looked the same, but Ninde knew the complex well enough to guess where she was. A staircase, another staircase, and a double door… only the second floor of the west wing had that layout. Ninde watched as Delta turned through a door that led to a restricted area; the doors swung open at a shove from a pair of gauntleted hands. Ninde's hands. No, the Myrmidon's hands – she had to remember whose mind she was in. The room beyond was full of banks of computers and electronic equipment, all of which was completely alien to Ninde. But two rows down was a squat machine with a keyboard and an aperture that was just the right size to accommodate a human hand.

The gauntleted hands appeared in view once more to grab Delta's hand and pull her forward. Her hand bent backwards, stretching the skin of her wrist and making the blinking red light of her tracer visible for a moment before the Myrmidon thrust her whole forearm into the aperture of the machine and held it there. Ninde half-expected the machine to be some kind of torture device until the Myrmidon pushed a button and a metallic blue light scanned over Delta's wrist. It was over in a second, and Delta snatched her hand back. She checked her own wrist as if she were taking her pulse. The lump of the tracer was still there, but the red light was gone.

"Ow!" Ninde shouted as a shock from her collar made her jump and lose her grip on her knuckle. The lesson had started while she was distracted. She began to work, her mind on fire from what she had learned. As she pieced everything together, she became sure that what she had seen had taken place that very morning, and that the machine had deactivated Delta's tracer in preparation for her departure from the Dorms.

A machine that deactivated tracers. It had never crossed Ninde's mind. Everyone was so intent on finding a way to remove the things that no one ever wondered if there was a way to turn them off. It had been so quick, so easy, so clean. No blade to hide, no blood to tip off the guards that something was amiss. No pain.

This was the chance Ninde had been waiting for, and it was too big to risk spoiling. She would have to wait until lights-out, when talking undetected was easiest, before she told Sola. She could only hope that Sola would see what a perfect, singular chance this was, and not try to make excuses for why they should wait another month, another six months, another year. Ninde had to leave, but she didn't want to leave alone.

By the end of the day she was nearly bursting to tell. The only reason she had managed to hold the news in for so long was because Sola had been strangely snappish and taciturn all day, refusing Ninde's every effort to communicate. They ate dinner in silence, changed, and climbed into bed.

The lights snapped off, and in the sudden darkness the only sound was the stomping of the Myrmidon guard's armored feet as it crossed the room to reach the exit. Ninde counted the steps as she stared at the ceiling, waiting for her eyes to adjust. There were strange, muffled sounds from down the rows. Some of the girls were crying themselves to sleep.

As soon as the door slammed behind the Myrmidon, Ninde flopped over in bed and faced Sola. She could barely make out her outline in the darkness, hunched over, her face buried in her pillow, her back heaving…

"Are you okay?" Ninde whispered, finally realizing that Sola was crying.

Sola lifted her face. Even in the darkness, Ninde could tell that it was red and streaked with tears. Her quiet sobs rattled in her throat as she fought to control them. When she spoke, she seemed to choke on every word. "She…" said Sola, "Was my… friend."

Ninde was silent. She felt terrible for having forgotten. Sola was her only real friend, and all the other girls she was familiar with were still twelve and thirteen. But Sola, being a little older, was close with some of the girls who were beginning to near their Sad Birthdays. Delta was only the first. It made it harder. Growing up, they had all seen those sad, white-robed figures boarding their last flights. They had seemed old, and the reality of it had seemed far away. It was easy to ignore until the people making that flight didn't look so old anymore; they looked like you. People you had grown up with, winging away, never to return.

And Delta had been a special case. Most kids went quietly, and it was easy to think that they were being borne straight to the afterlife. A sad day, but not a traumatic one. When the last view of those classmates was of them disappearing into the clouds, death seemed less like a horror and more like an indistinct concept. Euthanasia via fog. Delta broke that illusion. A Sad Birthday was not a solemn trip to a new world. It was a girl being dragged to her death while her friends listened to her scream, and did nothing.

"We have to leave," said Ninde, and for once Sola didn't argue.

"Yes," she said fiercely.

"Tomorrow night," said Ninde. At this, Sola's eyes widened.

"How?" she demanded.

Ninde smiled. "I know a way."


	5. Chapter 5

**We're going out again? So soon?**

_Not my idea._

**Doesn't he know we just lost someone?**

_Things still need to get done, and we're shorthanded. He's sending us to get intel on one of the Dorms._

**Sure, but he could at least act like he cares.**

_What do you want from him? You know how it is. You grieve fast and you move on._

**How fast?**

_As fast as you can. You can't let it get to you. That's how I've stayed alive this long._

**So what happens when they take me?**

_Oh, I fully expect my luck to run out before yours does. But if it's the other way around, I won't look back._

**Right…**

_Don't believe me?_

**Actually, I do. Which Dorm?**

_Silver Sun._

\-----

Slipping away from the guards, breaking the perimeter, that was easy. Plenty of kids had managed it. But as soon as they left the grounds, their tracers would trip the alarm. The Myrmidons would pour out, and within minutes or hours the wayward child would be carried back through the main gates. The punishment for such escape attempts was severe.

Ninde had tried it herself when she was younger. She used to make a game of sneaking out of the cafeteria or under the night guard's nose. She never went so far as to climb the fences and trip the alarm, but she knew she could if she needed to. The problem was the tracer.

And that would soon cease to be a problem. The day between the inception of her plan and its implementation seemed to stretch on forever, a string of tedious tasks being performed for the last time. Every second, Ninde expected to be found out somehow. Every glance from every guard seemed to be a warning, as if they knew. Ninde couldn't help checking every time, nibbling her knuckle and finding reassurance in the steady, unintelligent droning of the Myrmidons' minds. They knew nothing.

"Quit biting your hand," said Sola, tapping Ninde's shoulder, "You look like you're going mental."

In the darkness with Delta's screams still ringing in her ears, Sola had been quick to agree to Ninde's plan. But in the light of day, her cynicism seemed to be reasserting itself. She still wasn't convinced that Ninde could read minds. Only the strength of Ninde's conviction was keeping her from dismissing the story about the tracer-deactivator as a flight of fancy. But Ninde knew her plan would work, and Sola would see soon enough.

Fog rolled in that evening, bringing darkness sooner than usual. By the time the girls left their last lesson of the day and began shuffling toward their bunks, it was completely dark outside. Ninde could see as much through the small, high windows along the hall. It would make it harder to find their way around the grounds, but once they made it past the perimeter it would help them hide.

Ninde waited until the lights were out and the whispers and rustlings of the other girls had faded into silence, then she stood. She rolled up her blanket and put it under her arm, then tapped Sola's shoulder. "Time to go," she whispered so quietly that she could barely hear her own voice.

Sola peeked up at her with terrified eyes. She had never stepped a toe out of line before. "Are we really going through with this?" she whispered in return.

Ninde dragged her out of bed by her elbow and stood her on her feet. "Stop being such a baby," she said, "And follow me." As they crept past the rows of bunks, some of the other girls stirred and watched them go. Silently, they went back to sleep. Most of the children would never raise the alarm against one of their own, even if they would rather not get involved with whatever risky scheme was going on. One girl waved solemnly to Ninde from her bed; Ninde returned the wave with a jaunty grin. They thought she was going to her death, but she would show them that it was possible to escape.

The main door was guarded by two Myrmidons at night, and was practically impassable. But there was an unlocked door that led to the bathroom, in case someone needed to go during the night, and that was where Ninde led Sola. There was a rusty service door in the corner of the room. The Myrmidons never used it, so they hadn't noticed when the lock had broken almost two years ago. It was common knowledge among the girls, but no one had dared to use it since Ashie's failed escape attempt. Ninde set her shoulder against it and shoved it open. The rusty hinges gave a muffled shriek, making her blood run cold for an instant. She and Sola froze, listening, but they could hear no reaction from the Myrmidons in the hallway.

Ninde stepped out of the gray light of the bathroom and into the pitch blackness of the service tunnel, but Sola hung behind. "I don't know if I can do this, Ninde," she whispered, her quivering hands drawn up to her mouth.

Ninde held her hand out with a smile. "It'll be easy," she said, "We know how to turn our tracers off, and I can read the minds of any Creature in this place. That's two things that we have that no one else ever did. We're sure to make it. Believe me, we'll be out of here and far away before they even realize we're gone."

"But where will we go?"

"Anywhere!" said Ninde impatiently, "Anywhere but here! Now are you coming?"

Sola reached her hand out, almost drew it back, and then finally placed it in Ninde's with a look of resignation on her face. Ninde squeezed her hand as she backed into the tunnel and closed the door behind them.

They groped their way down the narrow tunnel, their only sense of space coming from the bright outlines of other doors along the wall. Ninde knew the way. She chose their exit carefully. Once they were back in the main hallways, they would have to worry about patrolling Myrmidons. She chose the door that she thought was closest to the staircase that would take them to the second floor and the mysterious room.

Ninde stopped at the door and whispered, "This is it. I'm going to check if anyone's coming." She felt Sola lean toward the door, pressing her ear to the metal to listen for footsteps outside. Ninde smiled. She had a better way.

Ninde began chewing her knuckle, and her mind reached out in every direction, searching for other minds to contact. She slipped past the rapid, dizzying buzz of Sola's mind and probed the hallway for less intelligent thoughts. A distant, monotonous drone was getting steadily clearer, steadily closer. "I don't hear anything," said Sola, "I think it's all clear."

Sola was about to turn the handle when Ninde grabbed her hand and shushed her. They both crouched there, unmoving and barely breathing as the sound of a Myrmidon's hobnailed boots on concrete suddenly became detectable. The sound increased as the Creature passed by their hiding place, then faded away to nothing. Ninde put her knuckle back in her mouth in time to hear its thoughts fade out of her range. It hadn't noticed anything, and she couldn't detect anything else nearby.

"Let's go," she said, wrenching the door open and stepping into the hallway. The girls blinked and squinted in the sudden light, but they kept moving toward the stairs.

As they climbed, Sola demanded, "How did you know it was coming? I didn't hear anything."

"I heard its thoughts," said Ninde. Sola rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, okay," she said, "Whatever." But Ninde thought she could hear a note of uncertainty that hadn't been there before.

They crept down the hallway in silence. Every footstep seemed to echo off the empty, sterile walls, and the girls' anxiety mounted with each step. Ninde put her knuckle in her mouth every few seconds, keeping track of the patrolling guards and staying out of their way. Sometimes she had to backtrack or turn the wrong way to avoid them, and the maze of hallways became more daunting with every change of direction. For a few horrible moments, Ninde thought she had lost her way, but then she recognized a corner where the paint was peeling. "It's here, it's right here!" she said, leading Sola toward a set of double doors that she had seen once before through a different set of eyes.

She was running now, excited to prove to Sola that her vision had been true, but Sola resisted. She pulled on Ninde's hand, trying to slow her, saying, "Wait! What if…"

But before she could finish, Ninde had shoved the doors open. For an instant, they caught a glimpse of the room full of shining machines, just as Ninde had described, before they were suddenly bathed in red light. The screech of an alarm made them clap their hands to their ears, and from farther off came an even worse sound: the wail of a Screamer, its voice audible even above the awful alarm. Ninde found herself staring into Sola's eyes, and she imagined that the shock and horror that she read there was visible on her own face as well. They were caught.

"I thought you said you knew what you were doing!" Sola screamed over the alarm. She managed to look furious even though she was still so scared that the whites of her eyes showed all the way around her irises.

"I knew where the machine was!" Ninde screamed back, "I didn't know there was an alarm on the door!"

"WHY THE HELL NOT?" Sola bellowed, taking her hands off her ears so she could gesture wildly, "I thought you could READ MINDS!"

"I CAN!" said Ninde, throwing her arms open helplessly, "That doesn't mean I know EVERYTHING! I got us THIS far, doesn't that count for something?"

Sola tugged her own hair in exasperation. "Not if we DIE!" she said, "We have to go back! Now! Before they catch us here!"

But Ninde's knuckle was already in her mouth, and she could hear the thoughts of battle-ready Myrmidons all around them. Every maniple in the complex had been awakened by the Screamer, and they were closing in on them from every direction. "Too late," she said, catching one of Sola's hands as it flapped in panic, "Come on! This is the only way out!"

Ninde dragged Sola into the room even as she tried to run the other way. The noise and the fear was making her head swim, but she managed to thrust Sola's arm into the aperture in the machine and replicate the series of buttons that she had seen the Myrmidon press in her vision. The Screamer's cry had reached such a crescendo that she could barely keep her thoughts straight, but somehow she managed to get Sola to activate the machine while she held her arm inside. She checked both their wrists; the red lights beneath their skin were gone. They were free.

Almost.

"They're here!" Sola shrieked, pointing at the door. The first of the Myrmidons had arrived, and the only exit was cut off.

"Follow me," said Ninde as she tore a heavy, knee-high contraption away from the wall and threw it through the window. The Myrmidon started to cross the room, reaching for its quarry, which made Ninde's next decision an easy one.

She jumped out of the second-story window.

Luckily, the rain and fog of the last couple of days had left the grassy earth beneath the window soft and spongy. What should have been a bone-breaking fall merely stunned Ninde momentarily. She lay there in the mud for several seconds, squeaking weakly as she tried to draw air into her lungs. She managed to lift her upper body, but the stabs of pain down her left side, where she had landed, made her collapse back into the mud with a groan. Just as she was getting ready for another attempt at standing, there was a scream and a thump and Sola was lying in the mud next to her.

Feeling like her whole body would be one big bruise the next day, Ninde managed to lift herself off the ground. The floodlights and sirens all over the courtyard confirmed that though they had escaped the room, they were far from safe. Ninde dragged Sola to her feet and quickly patted her down, checking for broken bones.

"That…" Sola gasped, slowly regaining her wind, "Was the most… terrifying… thing… I have ever… done… Are you… completely… insane?" She was bruised as badly as Ninde, and her wrist seemed to be sprained, but otherwise she was fine.

"Got us outside, didn't it?" said Ninde as they began to run for the fence, "I was worried there for a minute. I thought you'd be too chicken to jump."

The Myrmidons seemed confused. Without tracer signals to follow, they seemed to be running around haphazardly. Ninde knew that soon they would bring Tracker teams to bear, and that they had to get out and find water before they picked up their scent. She reached the fence, ducked a searchlight as it passed overhead, and then threw her blanket over the top of the razor wire.

"You first," she said to Sola. The other girl was faltering. She was hurt and exhausted, and her nerve ebbed with every passing minute. Ninde could see that jumping from the window had taken the last of Sola's courage, and she didn't trust her to climb the fence on her own. Sola didn't respond. She was breathing shallowly, and her face was blank. She seemed about to go catatonic, but she managed to climb the fence and roll over the cushioned spikes at the top. Ninde followed her, but the ripped blanket didn't afford much protection. As she slid down the other side, a point of the razor wire caught her skin and sliced her from ankle to knee. She barely felt it.

She didn't have time to rejoice at being on the other side of the fence before a searchlight swung straight into her face and illuminated both her and Sola. Sola stared into the light in horror. Ninde shielded her eyes and began to run. She had made it a few strides when she realized that Sola was still clinging to the fence, frozen in the beam like a frightened animal.

She ran back and began dragging her friend along with her. "Come on," she grunted, "They saw us. They'll be coming out to get us any minute." They had reached the road. Behind them the entire Dorm was lit up, with sirens blaring. Ahead was inky, silent darkness.

And there, in the middle of the road, Sola stopped. Ninde tried to continue forward, pulling on her hand, but Sola dug her heels in and refused to go any farther.

"What are you doing?" Ninde demanded, "We have to go!"

Sola stared into the dark unknown with fear in her eyes, then turned to look at the bright, familiar grounds of the Dorms almost whimsically. "Ninde," she said, her voice surprisingly clear and quiet, "I can't do it."

"There's nothing to do!" said Ninde, "We already did it! We're out!" She looked over Sola's shoulder to the main gate. It was grinding open, and two maniples of Myrmidons were waiting to pour out and collect the escapees. There was no time to argue. She had to get Sola moving or they would be caught, and it would all have been for nothing.

"You don't know what's out there," said Sola, still not budging, "What do you think will happen? That you'll find some grown-ups to take care of you? That it'll be easy? What if there's nothing? For all we know, everyone who ever escaped just starved a few weeks later, or froze to death in a ditch. You could take three more steps and get snatched up by a Ferret, and that would be the end of you. But back in the Dorm, we could have food and a bed and our friends until we're fourteen. Ninde, I still have a year! I want that year!"

Ninde's eyes flashed fiercely. "And I want the year after that!" she said, "And the year after that! We'll survive! If we escaped from the Dorm, we can do anything! We can make it!"

Sola shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said, "If we go back now, maybe they'll forgive us."

They stood there, hand in hand, separated by the painted yellow line on the asphalt. Ninde looked into Sola's eyes and saw the same despair there that she had seen in all their classmates. The despair that she had pitied and held in contempt. The despair that made a girl think that a year in prison was better than taking a risk on freedom. On life.

She tried one more time. "Come with me," she begged.

"No," said Sola, gripping her hand more tightly, "You come with me."

The tromping of the Myrmidons' boots was drawing closer. There was no time left, and they had each made their choice. There was nothing left to say. Without a word, Ninde let go of her best friend's hand, and Sola did the same.

Sola turned and ran back the way they had come, waving her arms and shouting, "I'm here! I'm here! I surrender!" She ran back toward the light, her tiny body illuminated by dozens of spotlights and dwarfed by the huge Myrmidons that surrounded her.

Meanwhile, Ninde quietly slipped into the shadows and disappeared.


End file.
